The Bottle up the Bum

Many years ago before hardcore was legalized, I produced a gay porn movie. The talented, young director stumbled across a disused Victorian toilet and we decided it was the perfect location for the bottle scene.

The scene involved 2 guys. It would start with a bit of wanking, move on to anal sex and then the grand finale was going to be a bottle butt fuck. So my first job of the day was to find a suitable bottle and the bottle-ee had requested one without a lip. Off I marched to the supermarket and wandered up and down the aisles inspecting every single beer bottle. Believe me, it isn’t that easy to find one without a lip and after 20 minutes of pondering a fresh faced assistant was by my side offering his help. I so desperately wanted to say “I’m shooting a hardcore, gay porn movie in 2 hours. Which bottle would you suggest for some rectal ramming?” Obviously, I didn’t say that but only because the shop assistant looked about 12 years old! After much deliberation I decided on a couple of different bottles and went to join the rest of the team.

Now the Victorian toilet was a stunning location but we didn’t really have permission to use it. Luckily, the door wasn’t locked enough to keep us out so we sort of broke in. If the police or the council were going to come knocking then the producer (me) would be the one who would have to take the flak, so I was a tad uneasy from the beginning.

We shot the wanking and the anal without a hitch, then it came to the bottle butt fuck and the guy due to be anally annihilated turned to me and said “sometimes when you are being fucked up the arse with a bottle, it can cause a vacuum and the bottle gets stuck. If this happens, DO NOT try to pull it out and definitely DO NOT try to break the bottle, just take me to A & E and they will sort it out”. The matter of fact way in which he said this made me think that he had experienced bottle butt fucking misdemeanors before. Anyway, lights, camera, action... within minutes that bottle was racing towards sphincter-ville. The blokes seemed to be enjoying themselves but as that bottle got further and further in I was turning into a nervous wreck. I had visions of speeding through the rush hour traffic with a porn star’s hairy, white arse complete with bottle, stuck out of the passenger window of my car! Actually, I was worrying for nothing, these guys were professionals and one thing a professional knows is that you will not get anywhere in the porn business unless you have an accommodating arse.